Normal Adolescent Behavior or Not?
Once upon a time you were a teenager, so why do some adults have such a hard time understanding the basics of adolescent behavior? Many parents of teenagers will bring their kids to counseling for what I believe is typical for that stage of development. So many times I've heard complaints about messy bedrooms, experimentation with marijuana or alcohol, taking too many naps, going to bed late, wanting to hang out with friends or hanging out in their bedrooms. Maybe you didn't use marijuana or alcohol but I can't imagine you didn't do the rest. Adolescence is a very turbulent stage of development. These kids are trying to assert their independence, yet still need adult supervision and feedback. Teenagers think they are invincible and that's the real problem with that stage of development. They believe they are exempt from any bad thing that can happen, but we know that's not true, yet to them, we know nothing. Teenagers need education related to what behaviors can get them in trouble. We, as parents, are responsible for setting limits, not allowing bad behavior, providing supervision, and working to prevent them from ruining their lives. They don't want to listen, but if we give them some power to make some of their own choices, they may take in some of what we say. It doesn't matter how smart your kid is, whether parents are married or divorced, or how wealthy or religious you are. They are teenagers first and you can't prevent a developmental stage from occurring. Teenagers are like toddlers but with with a larger repertoire of words. Unless you are willing to police your kids 24/7, they are going to make mistakes. The good news is it gets better in late adolescence. At some point it clicks and they realize you were only trying to be a good parent. Don't ever forget that once upon a time, you too were a teenager.
Is it ever ok to smoke marijuana with your kids?
Never!! Be a good role model.
Blended Families. What Makes Them Succeed or Fail?
The information provided is based on over 20 years of observations and is not meant to attack any specific gender. Blending families can be very difficult. Typically the divorced dad wants to be the parent liked the most and is likely to see the children less, therefore making him weaker at limit setting and has difficulty letting his new significant person in his life interfere with disciplining the kids. Divorced dads tend to struggle with loyalty issues when it comes to his significant other and his kids. Sometimes divorced dads do not promote a relationship between the kids and the significant person in his life.This may create resentment against the step-kids, which in turn, creates problems in the marriage/relationship. Additionally, ex spouses can cause a lot of stress by being vengeful and angry and not following the parenting time agreement. Stop-parents need to back off from trying to discipline their partners children unless they are asked or are responsible for their care at that time. Be the good guy/girl and let the parents discipline. Don't set rules for your partners children that you won't expect your own children to follow. Don't undermine your partner in front of a child. Don't over focus negatively on your partners children unless you are willing to do the same for your own kids. Remember, your significant other is an adult, and as an adult should be respected by the children. You also need to remember that prior to joining families, each had their own way of relating to their children and have dealt with them in many situations. You can't expect that to change. Hopefully over time you will adapts to the way each of you does things. If you don't understand the challenges of blending families, your relationship will likely fail.
Sexting and Misuse Of Social Media
Parents: Please talk to your kids about what is appropriate or not to be posting on social media. Also, if they are under the age of 18, posting sexual/naked pictures online and sending/receiving them is illegal. Child pornography is a very serious offense. Parents need to be checking phones, tablets and computers on a regular basis. You are doing it for their safety. Also, using these devises for bullying is also illegal. No matter how much you hit delete, what you have on these devices are out there somewhere. Snapchat has areas where content can be saved. There is a password protected section called my eyes only. Kids are hiding videos of themselves and their friends vaping both nicotine and weed, drinking, passing out, throwing up and you name it. Also you can find similar content in their snapchat stories. Kids are also selling drugs thru snapchat by sending snaps that after 10 seconds go away. One code word for weed is "crud". Teens already have a hard time with impulse control and do not think about consequences. Social media is creating a world where teenagers have no ability to delay gratification. This is a big problem with their emotional functioning. Teens cannot sit with a feeling of sadness, anxiety or any emotional discomfort. As a result, there is in increase in self harm and suicide.
Post Divorce Conflict
Parents: I don't care how much you despise each other, you are responsible for the emotional well-being of your kids. You got divorced. You solved that problem.If you brought children into the world with that person, it doesn't matter how much you hate them, you still have to co-parent and promote a relationship. If you suspect the children are being abused, then contact authorities. There are many professionals out there who deal with high conflict post-divorce cases. The kids need therapy as well as the adults. If printing time is ordered, then follow that order. If you don't support a relationship between your children and their parent, you are doing harm.
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